MaMa Lee

Do you ever feel a slight heaviness but then a burst of joy or a have a bittersweet feeling that you can't fully articulate? Today is one of those days for me, as it is the ninth anniversary of the death of an influential woman in my life. I put dates like this on my calendar because sometimes my brain doesn’t remember what my emotions are still processing, even 9 years later. 

My annual calendar reminder of the day MaMa Lee passed.

Thank God for the Holy Spirit, our comforter.

I miss Mama Lee daily! I have fond memories of her spoiling me, picking me up from school and caring for me when I was sick. Man, her fried chicken was the absolute BEST! When I got my drivers license, my dad called her and she said, “Our miracle baby is driving? 'Shoe box' baby is driving?” I could feel her joy through the phone! She was also grateful she didn’t have to share the road with me 😂 (I don't blame her at all LOL).

I miss her voice. I miss her singing with Bishop Lee when they would open up Tuesday Night Bible Study with hymns. I miss her hugs. I will never forget how she loved me like I was one of her own children and I will forever cherish the warmth of her embrace. 🫂 She is definitely a part of my core memories as a little girl growing up in Germany. I can confidently say that without MaMa Lee, I wouldn't be the woman I am today.

MaMa Lee used to tell us she’d never let anything get in the way of her getting to the house of God. I can hear her voice saying, “If I have to crawl through the doors of the church, I’ll be here”. As a kid, I thought she was being dramatic but when I started having health issues that hindered my energy levels and mobility - I had severe joint pain, fatigue and would limp my way through the doors of the church - then I understood. She just wanted to be in the presence of the Lord with the people of God, in a place where she knew her needs would be met.

January 22, 2016 - I remember my dad calling me that morning and telling me she passed away. His voice was so somber, his heart was broken. Just as MaMa Lee was a mother to me, she was also a mother figure to my father. I've only heard this tone of voice from my dad a few times in my life and each time it was never good news.

I was in shock. All I could do was cry. I think I became numb. I don't know how I got to work that day, how I made it through the day or how I got home. All can remember is breaking down crying as I told the principal that a mother figure in my life passed away and I'd be requesting time off once funeral arrangements were made. She passed away on a Friday and every Friday night we had church.

I remember getting dressed for church with tears in my eyes and still in shock that MaMa Lee was no longer with us.

February 1, 2016 - I wrote this while on my flight home from MaMa Lee's Funeral.

When I went to church, I recall someone saying that we shouldn't be sad because she was in Heaven. For the first time in my 23 years of life, I was on the receiving end of this statement and I finally understood how dismissive and insensitive it was. I made the same statement to one of my friends after her grandmother passed away and I am ashamed that I let those words come out of my mouth. I remember apologizing to her because although I didn't mean to, I dismissed her pain and it's honestly flat out rude to say.

When a believer passes away (or a friend or loved one), I believe we can find some comfort in believing or knowing that they are in Heaven with Jesus. That belief however, does not remove or exempt us from the pain of their absence here on Earth. That does not take away the grieving process that comes with death.

[ Edit: I think it's important to understand how death impacts us as humans. Because sin is in the world, death is now a part of life and it's hard to accept at times. Now, on the spiritual side, we were created to live forever so when we die in the natural, as a believer we can rejoice in knowing that we (those who are also believers) will be with Jesus for eternity. The duality of it all might be hard to balance because sometimes we can be so heavenly bound that we're no earthly good. I believe this is evident when we lack empathy, compassion and understanding specifically pertaining to death and how it impacts everyone differently. ]

I'm a little more compassionate and sensitive now when offering comfort and empathy to those who are grieving. If I don't want it said to me, I truly don't want to say it to anyone else. I pray offer a warm embrace to those in need, just as MaMa Lee did for me. It's been nine years and although she is gone, she is forever in my heart and a part of who I am today.

Godspeed,

Simplyarirenee