#LumpWhere

Written 11/12/2021...

Here’s one thing I KNOW for sure, the enemy’s goal is take my mind and my body! There’s NO DOUBT about it! When approaching a monumental day, especially this year, I’ve noticed the attacks are stronger and harder than usual. If I told you how my Monday and Tuesday went, you wouldn’t believe me! Whew! BUT GOD!

Y’all! TODAY marks a notable miracle in my life 🙌🏾😭 I can’t believe it’s been ONE YEAR‼️ a year ago TODAY, I went to get a mammogram because a lump was found in my breast, so of course I immediately thought the worst!

Listen, the lump was found on October 21, 2020 - from that day until my mammogram appointment, I was overwhelmed with anxiety and I became very depressed because so many things were going wrong in my body all at once! I went to the doctor for one thing and left without any answers besides I needed a mammogram.

Thankfully, I knew enough Bible to call on some praying people and prayers of the righteous AVAILED very much so! 💯Amen! James 5:16 - it’ll bless ya if you let it 🙌🏾

When I went in for my mammogram on November 12, 2020, they looked at me like I was crazy! Y’all! They did an ultrasound first and then said ma’am WHY ARE YOU HERE there’s NOTHING wrong with you🙌🏾 are you sure you had an appointment! THERE IS NO LUMP ANYWHERE TO BE FOUND 🙌🏾😭 #LUMPWHERE

So no wonder why this week was wacky for me! It was designed to distract me from remembering God’s healing and miracle working power that was, is and will continue to be in my life! 🙌🏾TO GOD BE THE GLORY 🙌🏾

Fast forward to today, 11/12/2023 ...

I can't believe it's been THREE years since my #lumpwhere testimony! I must admit, just as I had a rough week leading up to and on the one year anniversary, the same can be said for today. Now, today has been a great day and I've been fighting a headache (and other issues) for the past 2 days. It's one of those lingering headaches that subside and come back a little stronger each time. It's so annoying. It might be because of the drastic weather change, my cycle or maybe I just need more rest and hydration.

You're probably thinking, "What does a headache have to do with #lumpwhere?" Well, just as I was able to discern the distractions in 2021, I can definitely see how the pain I've experienced in my body this week can serve as a distraction from me remembering and rejoicing in the fact that God's healing working power has been evident in my life.

The first line of the first paragraph of this post was, "Here’s one thing I KNOW for sure, the enemy’s goal is take my mind and my body!" I said this because it's true (duh!) and because I remember how I felt the day the nurse told me, "ma'am you need to schedule a mammogram."

Flashback to October 21, 2020 ...

My appointment that day was my fifth doctor's appointment in a month. This was normal for me as someone with autoimmune issues. I recently moved to a new state, so naturally I had to wait until my insurance kicked in so I could go to the doctor and continue my #journeytoadiagnosis.

Frequent doctor visits was my norm and was highly expected, considering that doctors couldn't figure out why I was having the symptoms I was living with since the age of 25.

I went to the doctor that afternoon to get lab results from bloodwork taken a week before. I needed bloodwork because more extensive tests were needed to seek answers and possibly get us one step closer to a diagnosis of a specific autoimmune disease. (I used to document this journey on Instagram #journeytoadiagnosis)

Well, I can't remember the exact results for that day's bloodwork, but I do remember finally mustering up the courage to advocate for myself and tell the doctor about the familiar chest pain I was having. I thought I was having another episode of costochondritis.

My doctor was determined to figure out the source of my pain, so he ordered an EKG, an x-ray, bloodwork, and a CT scan with contrast, all to be done that day.

The results from these determined my doctor's next move. This process (including my original appointment) began around at 2:00pm and lasted until 6:30/7:00pm. When I woke up that morning, I did not expect that that's how my appointment was going to go. I was actually excited to go to the doctor, so I could tell him that I diagnosed myself with costochondritis (LOL!). Well, while they were closing the office down for the night, I was told that I needed to schedule a mammogram. So that was my end to a very long day.

I drove home wondering if I had breast cancer.

What else do you think of when you hear the word, "mammogram"? Plus, it was October, which is what? Breast Cancer Awareness Month. "Ma'am you need to schedule a mammogram," didn't even make the list of things I expected to hear that day. Unfortunately, they didn't tell me why I needed a mammogram, so hearing that, left my brilliant mind to wonder. I mean my brain went into panic mode. Thankfully, the next day around noon, I was able to speak to my doctor and he explained the CT scan revealed a lump on my left breast.

Honestly, this wasn't really a relief for me because I still had unexplained autoimmune issues. Also, I did not feel or see a lump on my breast! I was not experiencing any changes, so I was confused! I was already in need of healing in my body, this lump was just another thing to add to my list of issues. I became discouraged, anxious, depressed and afraid. I had experienced for myself, seen and heard of God's healing and miracle working power. But I became afraid that I'd die. That I'd die at a young age (I was 28 at the time) and that I'd die alone (I was still single).

Fear and anxiety had me paralyzed to the point of not asking for prayer or telling those who loved me (besides my dad). I was feeling as if I wouldn't be healed because I had been experiencing autoimmune issues since the age of 13 (which laid dormant and came back at 25). I was defeated.

A week before my mammogram, I told women who I knew experienced what I was gong through that my doctor found a lump on my breast. At that time, I finally asked for prayer and I felt a release from the fear and anxiety.

I learned from a breast cancer survivor, since my mammogram was 3 weeks after they first saw the lump, that the doctors must not be that concerned about it being cancer or anything life threatening. Hearing that and their testimonies of how God is a healer was exactly what I needed. See, as long as I was paralyzed by fear and anxiety, my faith wasn't being built up and I was living in isolation.

When I opened my mouth and broke free, I went from discouraged to encouraged and God used that to show me that I need community. God used my pastors and a few members who were breast cancer and cancer survivors, to remind me of God's healing and miracle working power! They prayed for me and with me! God really used them to help me when I felt my weakest. I am forever grateful for that. I was able to go to my mammogram appointment built up, encouraged, determined and expectant of experiencing God's power again!

This instance was one vital moment in my life because God showed me he didn't heal me because of what church I belonged to, he healed me because that is what he chose to do! He is Jehovah Rapha, God who heals! He honored my prayers and those who prayed for me! In the church that I was born and raised in, it was said that, "the God of ___ (insert church name) healed you." Instead of, "God healed you."

Growing up hearing this led me to believe that God only moved for me because of the church I was in and I had certain blessing because of it, not because he's God. I can now say that to me, that thinking is very limiting. I believe it is important to remember that God is God and he can and will move for you regardless of the church you attend or do not attend. It was often said that if we were no longer members then God would not be with us. I found that to be an inaccurate statement.

God used this situation to show me that he had a new community for me to pray, worship and labor with. If you read my post Repotting Season, you'll understand that this was one moment on my journey that helped me to accept that God was calling me to leave my home church.

We all know that God healed me, right? I definitely made that clear in the first section of this post. I just felt the need to shed some light on how I felt during this process. I couldn't let the day go by and not share my testimony!

TO GOD BE THE GLORY

I was able to share my #lumpwhere testimony with Pastor Krystal of Faith Community San Antonio (video below).

Godspeed,

#SimplyAriRenee