I allow myself to feel my pain

I allow myself to feel my pain

I allow myself to acknowledge and to state, “THIS SUCKS”

I thought I would have been healed by now

💛🦋🌻

 #simplythrowback from June 7, 2021

This video is a snippet from one of my recorded reflections discussing my raw feelings of dealing with chronic pain and pretending to be happy, while connecting it to my Faith in God. I document my process through writing and speaking, I record myself expressing how I'm feeling because hearing my own voice reminds me that someone is listening, even if it’s just me.

When I say, “I thought I would have been healed by now,” I’m referring to a physical healing in my body as I had been dealing with autoimmune issues for 4 years (now 6 years). That statement reflected my sentiments in other areas of my life as well.

"I thought I would have been healed from my trauma by now... I thought I wouldn’t be triggered by ____ by now".

Even though I am not where I thought I’d be, I’m definitely not where I used to be, I am not who I used to be. I can look over my life and see the lessons I've learned, areas I have grown in and the triumphs that initially felt like failure and defeat.

With all of that, I think it is important to give myself grace throughout this journey of life. I allow myself to feel my pain physically, mentally, emotionally and even spiritually speaking because the pain is a part of the process- my process, my journey in this life. I really want the world to know that going through trials and painful experiences is nothing to hide or be ashamed of.

#simplythrowback poem written May 19, 2019

I've shared this poem a few times on my Instagram and it is also featured in my book Simply Thoughts: A Diary of Thoughts, Reflection and Poetry

I've learned that no matter how long I have felt the pain, I know that it is temporary. If it lasts for a moment or even a lifetime, I refuse to pretend that I don't feel it. The ultimate goal is to allow my faith to speak life over my pain. I give myself permission to be human - to feel what I feel in this body, but to not allow those feelings (and the pain) to control my life. I would rather be transparent and admit I am in pain than fake my happiness and pretend like I am okay.

My strength lies in my ability to admit my humanity, not pretending like it doesn't exist.

For as long as I can feel it, I know He will heal it

Godspeed,

SimplyAriRenee