how are you doing?

I ask others this but refuse to ask myself

I already know the answer

so why bother asking the question

As someone who always reflects

I don’t always breathe

So I tend to neglect the very power within me - voice

I settled for the choice

of keeping the conversation moving

when asked, “how are you doing?”

do they really want to know?

no they can’t handle it

so it handles me

we wrestle back and forth seemingly for eternity

so to avoid reaching out for help

I hide and keep it to myself

to avoid lying

I hide my fears to silence my tears

I often go misunderstood

because all you see is a smile

all the while I’m struggling, I’m hurting, I’m confused and in pain

Wondering what more do I have to gain

Not knowing why I always have to fight

Struggling to sleep at night

People are depending on me to make it out

I’d rather die fighting than admit my doubt

Drowning in the deceit that I don’t need nobody and nobody wants me

At some point, I must admit defeat

Maybe next time I’ll be honest when someone checks on me

Godspeed,

SimplyAriRenee

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