I Am My Own Inspiration

(Hair)-spriration that is

I’ve been wanting to share this for some time and I figure now is the best time to do so.

Well ya’ll, I’m on a hair growth journey again but before I take you to my present, I’d like to revisit the past and tell my hair story.

Let’s rewind for a moment …

I went natural in 2012 at age 20 after getting relaxers (a chemical hair straightener) since I was probably 5 or 6 years old. Now, for my generation of young women, “going natural” wasn’t necessarily our norm, unless they grew up with their natural hair and had never gotten a relaxer. But amongst my personal community, that was rare.

You might be wondering why I went natural. I think the best way to explain in is through pictures.

1- I had this really cool hair cut on relaxed hair.

2- When I went back to get my hair “shaped up” my hairstylist used thinning shears (which she’d never used on my hair before). You can see my “new growth” (textured hair) vs relaxed hair (straight hair).

3- I wasn’t a fan of how my hair looked as it grew out. It was too hard to style because I was dealing with the two textures.

4- So I figured I’d cut all of the relaxer out and start over because, “it’s just hair” right? And it’ll grow back. But my barber didn’t cut all of the relaxed hair out because he felt it would be too short. He cut as much as he could and picked the rest out.

5- So this is what my hair looked like after I washed it and put some gel in it. The spikey hair is relaxed hair that I’d eventually cut.

Throughout this process, I am so grateful that I found a blog called Black Girl with Long Hair that I followed for “hair inspiration” and guidance because I had just entered into uncharted territory. Through that blog, I was able to learn about my hair and figure out what my hair needed.

I went natural before the time of natural hair tutorials and before I could just google “natural hair”.

This was back when YouTube was really used for music videos (no ads) and social media influencers weren’t a thing, yet.  Facebook was for professionals, Instagram was only 2 years old so there weren’t any IG stories, reels, hashtags or anything like that. Even Pinterest was in its early years, so all of the tools and resources that we use now for inspiration and guidance (on social media) were nonexistent.

I honestly had to learn through trial and error. Not to mention, the natural hair care lines and products were not where they are today either, we didn’t have a broad variety to  choose from.

In spite of all of that, my hair grew and flourished. I mastered two strand twists, twist outs and wash-n-gos. I had a few hair cuts that aren’t pictured but below are a few of my favorite hair pics from 2011- 2015.

Fast forward …

I have alopecia areata and it’s been something I’ve dealt with since 2015 but I didn’t get a formal diagnosis until 2018 because I chose to hide it and tried to live my life around it. I’d like to think that I’m a creative person and my creativity shined through my personal style, from makeup to shoes, jewelry, purses and of course my hair.

I was able to style my hair in a way to hide the bald spots - I wore wigs, did marley twists, two strand twists, updos and wore head wraps. All of that worked until it didn’t. Just a few pics below…

Where was I? Oh yeah, hiding the bald spots worked until it didn’t. So at that time, I was also dealing with other health challenges (autoimmune disorders) and personal issues. My hair falling out was the last thing I wanted to death with. Due to the increasing bald spots, I decided to shave my head on April 27, 2018 and I’ve been rockin’ my baldie (buzz cut/low hair cut) for five years.

Below is the first picture I took after shaving my head for the first time.

Shaving my head unlocked a new found confidence within me. I was finally able to look in the mirror and see myself as beautiful. To the point where I stopped wearing make up because seeing my raw beauty was good enough for me. I not only felt but also saw myself in my purest form of authenticity.

A few of my fave #baldie pics from 2018-2023.

Throughout these 5 years of being a #baldie, I’ve had moments of missing my hair but not to the point wanting to grow it back.

Well not until this year …

So I’m currently on my second attempt of growing my hair back in 2023. The first time (collage below) I made it to 53 days and shaved my head because I didn’t feel like myself with hair.

Today, August 7th marks 50 days (10 days shy of 2 months) of hair growth for me. I’ve been documenting the process for my personal use and I haven’t shared this on my social media because I’m honestly discouraged and embarrassed. I’m discouraged because the bald spots and thin areas I once hid are now seen again. I’m embarrassed for the same reason but also because I don’t recognize myself anymore.

What I posted on IG Threads last week

Boomerang & Pic from about 2 weeks ago.

I know you see that growth (I started off bald bald lol).

I know that I’m not the same woman I was 11 years ago when I first went natural. I’m obviously older and well I’m also heavier, my face is fuller and the Texas sun has me more tanned than I’m used to seeing myself. It’s hard to look in the mirror somedays because I can see pieces of who I was while also trying to get acquainted with the woman I see in the mirror. I know I’m still beautiful, I’m just learning to accept what beautiful looks and feels like for me.

The title of this piece is, “I Am My Own Inspiration - (Hair)-spriration that is” and I think I called it that because I realized that I’ve gone through this journey before. This time though, I don’t have to look to anyone else to inspire me. I can literally look in my own hair archives and see pictures of styles I mastered, tried and failed, products and techniques I tried and loved or hated - I can look within for the inspiration I need for this journey and that is such a beautiful thing.

Edit: The lovely Jada Pinkett Smith summed up my (our) current journey.

Godspeed,

SimpyAriRenee

P.S. A few days ago I started using Mielle’s Rosemary Mint Oil for my alopecia areata spots. I’m hoping this helps my hair to grow back.